The Eternal Optimist Presents – Part III – Wrestlemania 34 Predictions

Hi kids.

Today’s the day!

NXT Takeover was a spectacular show last night. I’ll discuss that more in depth in the coming week. Today is all about Wrestlemania 34. Earlier in the week, I talked about what I wanted to see happen. Today, I’ll give my predictions for what I think WILL happen.

Wrestlemania 34 Predictions:

The Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal:

Sasha and Bayley’s deceptively strong feud has been rolled up into the Battle Royal, and as such they are considered the two prohibitive favorites. I don’t see it that way. Instead, I’m expecting the two to eliminate each other and set up a featured match for the following PPV. Although an NXT wrestler could easily win, my pick is Becky Lynch. She’s incredibly popular and she’s the only one of the 4 Horsewoman that hasn’t received a massive push. I think it starts today.

Prediction – Becky Lynch.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

I’m probably more interested in this match than most of my readers. I don’t see ANYONE that is announced for the match that has any chance of winning. Thus, I believe this match is set up for a debuting NXT wrestler or a returning superstar to win the match. I’m going to go with the returning superstar. Big Cass has been cleared to return, and I think the WWE resumes his mega-push immediately.

Prediction – Big Cass.

Cruiserweight Title – Cedric Alexander v Mustafa Ali.

I honestly have no idea who’s going to win this. Cedric felt like the uncrowned champion but Ali feels like the wrestler with all of the momentum now. My gut tells me Ali wins and Cedric slowly turns heel over the next month or two. I wouldn’t be shocked to see this go the other way though.

Prediction – Mustafa Ali.

U.S. Title Match – Randy Orton v Bobby Roode v Jinder Mahal v Rusev.

I don’t think Bobby Roode or Rusev have much of a chance to win the belt. Roode just hasn’t caught on the way that I thought he would, and Rusev’s gimmick doesn’t seem like one that needs a title to work. Although I’d like to see this be the beginning of the reincarnation of Jinder, Randy Orton is the safe pick. I believe that the WWE is looking for him to bring stability to the U.S. Title much in the same way that John Cena did a couple years ago.

Prediction – Randy Orton.

Smackdown Tag Title Match: The Usos v The New Day v The Bludgeon Brothers.

Up until recently, I was convinced that this match would both steal the show and see a title change to the Bludgeon Brothers. However, the lack of attention that the feud has received on television tells me that this is the match whose time is likely to suffer due to the stacked card. I think the WWE saves the storyline progression and title change for a future PPV, and this ends up being an 8-10 minute showcase for The Usos.

Prediction – The Usos.

Raw Tag Title: The Bar v Braun Strowman & ?.

It really doesn’t matter who Braun’s partner is. The Bar are going to “get these hands”. Yeah, that’s right, I went there. This looks like a glorified squash match. As for his partner, any of the expected returning superstars are fine choices. I’m leaning towards a repackaged Bray Wyatt, but far from confident.

Prediction – Braun Strowman and Bray Wyatt.

Intercontinental Title Match: The Miz v Seth Rollins v Finn Balor.

This match is going to be a killer. As for the winner, I’m torn between The Miz and Finn Balor. Seth Rollins is heading back to the main event as soon as Wrestlemania passes, so he’s out of the picture. I think Balor is the inevitable champion, and Wrestlemania would be a smart place to showcase him. However, I think the Miz retains and they hold off on the Balor IC title win until after The Miz has gotten the cumulative IC Title record.

Prediction – The Miz.

Smackdown Women’s Title Match: Charlotte v Asuka.

I really hope that I’m wrong about the match quality, and that this is every bit as good as my readers hope it will be. The outcome is not in doubt. It’s Asuka’s time.

Prediction – Asuka.

Raw Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss v Nia Jax.

This match goes one of two ways. First, Nia could squash her in two minutes. With the way that the storyline has progressed, that’s not out of the question. Second, Nia can chase Alexa around and beat her pillar to post, only to get screwed by nefarious means. If this should happen, I fully expect Jax to destroy Bliss post-match and set up a Carmella cash-in. I think either possibility is equally likely, so I’ll go with the more interesting one.

Prediction – Alexa Bliss retains, Carmella cashes in after Nia destroys Bliss post-match.

John Cena v The Undertaker.

I am not buying the idea that this is only going to be a segment. A non-match will be viewed as a tremendous letdown and false advertising by the fan base. I think we’re looking at an impromptu match instead. I want to see how the WWE sets this up, but regardless of the path, I think the outcome is obvious. A tombstone, lights out for Cena and a triumphant return for The Undertaker.

Prediction – The Undertaker.

Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon v Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn.

Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn HAVE to win. The only question in my mind is whether Shane turns on Bryan or Bryan turns on Shane. The WWE would be lighting money on fire if they turned Bryan heel, so I’m going with the Mac being the one to stab D-Bry in the back. I cannot wait for this one.

Prediction – Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn.

Mixed Tag Match – Kurt Angle & Ronda Rousey v Triple H & Stephanie McMahon.

Duh. We all know who’s winning. I think this match tells us a lot about whether Rousey has a future with the company. If she pops the crowd in a big way and this ends up being entertaining, we’ll see her again. If it tanks and she gets booed, she’ll be a one hit wonder. I’m leaning towards the latter, but I’ll be glued to the television regardless.

Prediction – Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle.

WWE Title Match: A.J. Styles v Shinsuke Nakamura.

The anticipation for this match in our neck of the woods is off the charts. While I don’t think it will meet what I consider to be unrealistic expectations of our community, I think we’re in for a very solid match. I’d love to see A.J retain as I just don’t see the allure with Nakamura. Unfortunately, I think Nak wins. Styles needs a change of scene as there isn’t anyone left for him to feud with on Smackdown. Nak gets it done.

Prediction – Shinsuke Nakamura.

Universal Title Match: Brock Lesnar v Roman Reigns.

#RomanWinsOrWeRiot.

Prediction – Roman Reigns.

That’s a wrap kids. I can’t wait. At some point I’ll get back into the groove of in depth column writing, but until my wife and I figure out the whole “two kid” thing and get some sleep, quick hits like this are going to have to do the trick. Thank you for reading. Enjoy Wrestlemania tonight, and sound off below!

Facebook: David Fenichel
Twitter: @FFFightLeague