Latta’s Lariat #66 : Dear Jeff Hardy, You Don’t Have To Die For Us At Hell In A Cell

Dear Jeff Hardy,

You don’t know me or anything, however, I’ve been watching your career on and off since 1999. I’ve seen you jump off of almost anything one can imagine, and embody a true devil may care attitude. I saw you as wrestling’s Evil Knievel, a man who barely cared about himself in order to overachieve in a business you otherwise wouldn’t thrive in.

You weren’t 6’5, 230, but the aura around you was far larger than that. I saw innate charisma and daredevilism that made up for whatever you lacked in promo ability along with many others. I’ve watched you over much of this year and wondered how you’re even walking upright by this point, and have expected your knees to burst into dust month after month.

You’ve got a match this Sunday where everyone coming into it is expecting your greatest, most death-defying stunt ever. My buddy James who hosts One Nation Radio with me had a great line, “In order to be death-defying, you have to not die.” I fully get that asking Jeff Hardy to tone it down is akin to asking for safer cigarettes, or safer NFL hitting, so I’m not going to. You wouldn’t have made it to legendary status by toning it down. I’m fully expecting you to walk up to that edge like you’ve done a million times and be fine after.

However, Jeff, I think I’m speaking for a lot of fans, you don’t have to die for us on Sunday.

Now I may or may not have joked that your entrance music on Sunday will be “Meet Me At The Crossroads” by Bone Thugs N Harmony. Or R.I.P by Young Jeezy. Or I’ll Be Missing You by Puff Daddy and The Family, or T.R.O.Y by Pete Rock & CL Smooth. I’m a guy that doesn’t get bent out of shape by guys upping their performance level with risky moves, and I accept that injuries are part of the game in Professional Wrestling. I imagine there’s a feeling of wanting to top yourself, and leave us fans with something we’ll never forget, hell you’ve said it yourself.

But I haven’t forgotten when you jumped off the balcony at Madison Square Garden at Royal Rumble 2000 and put The Dudley’s through a table. Only a madman signs up to get speared out of mid-air while hanging 15 feet above by Edge at Wrestlemania 17. I also remember when you repaid him the favor at Wrestlemania 23 where you jumped off the biggest ladder I’ve ever seen to take Edge out of that match. The CM Punk TLC match; we didn’t forget.

I’m not even religious and almost feel compelled to drop to a knee to protect you from yourself. Whatever happens Sunday, if this your last match for reasons in or out of your control, thank you for a hell of a ride throughout your entire career. For anyone reading this, Jeff Hardy is a walking “he isn’t supposed to be here” all-star. Whether for his personal issues which were chronicled in brutally honest fashion on The Hardy Boyz WWE 24 documentary which was one of the most gripping WWE shows ever, or just what he’s done to himself to entertain us so far in his career.

In closing, even though I think other matches should have been in the cell, like Samoa Joe vs AJ Styles or even Becky Lynch vs Charlotte, by the end of the show, we’ll know why you got the nod. Amaze us one more time, even if it’s the last time you do it. Just don’t die in the process. We all want to celebrate Jeff Hardy, not remember you.

Quick Hell In A Cell Predictions.

Daniel Bryan/Brie Bella vs The Miz/Maryse – Daniel Bryan’s booking malpractice continues as a supernova-hot level Bryan that was dropped out of the sky in March gets cooled down. However, Brie submits Maryse to keep Miz clean from a fall to Bryan.

AJ Styles vs Samoa Joe – Can’t have the WWE Title outshine the Universal Championship in the cell. Despite Joe’s awesome work WWE has trouble doing things that make sense often. I’ll take AJ Styles.

The New Day vs Rusev Day – What day is superior!? Rusev Day is about to implode. New Day Rocks and wins.

Roman Reigns vs Braun Strowman – When Mick Foley got added it took me days to figure out why. Roman Reigns will be Foley’s protector from Strowman to convince the fans to cheer for him and be the third party to keep this from getting hijacked. Strowman doesn’t feel like he once did. It’s not the same energy as last year of him organically kicking Reigns a**. I feel like the crowd sees this for what it is. WWE turned him because his momentum was bigger than their hand-picked champion and they feel dumb for believing in Strowman in the first place. Reigns isn’t losing his first PPV title defense.

Ronda Rousey vs Alexa Bliss – Get Alexa out of here. Rousey in a squash.

Jeff Hardy vs Randy Orton – If Jeff’s night doesn’t end early, an RKO will do the job. Orton’s getting pushed again for some reason.

Charlotte Flair vs Becky Lynch – Everything in this feud has been backward from the jump, so why not continue to do what doesn’t make sense. I’ve got Charlotte winning, even though Becky is still the crowd favorite. I’m glad they don’t have Becky illogically insulting the fans anymore, but this is going to get worse before it gets better with the crowd.

Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose vs Drew/Dolph – The Raw tag team titles have been pulled from the ether of the B Team, however, those belts have been set on fire for 6 months, don’t tell me they mean anything now. The sabotage of Seth Rollins is in full effect. He’s easily the WWE Main Roster wrestler of the year, and now he’s back in a tag team with an act he doesn’t need in order to prosper. If he’s not allowed to be #1, which he isn’t, even though his performance merits it, I can easily see Rollins and Ambrose, (hey remember his hot return!) winning the titles just for the photo-op with Reigns and The Universal title.

The Shield vs Dogs Of War has been entirely too lame for me thus far with the constant injection of Law Enforcement being the main culprit. This show will actually get them on the right path.

 

Rich Latta is a writer for LordsofPain.net & host of the One Nation Radio Podcast on www.SocialSuplex.com  & LOP Radio where he recaps Raw & Smackdown Live Weekly. He appears monthly on Chad Matthews’ podcast The Doc Says before PPVs. GFX by @SirMikeFergus Give him a follow on Twitter, @RichLatta32 or drop him a comment below. If you like hip-hop, check out his music here. www.Soundcloud.com/RichLatta Look Him Up On Youtube As Well.

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