Tim Rose: Top 9 Worst and Best Theme Songs of This Decade (feat: @kingzak13)

I’m ranking the best and worst WWE theme songs from the past decade. If the song has been used in the past ten years, its eligible. Even if, and major spoiler alert here, that song was used long before then. Like, say, the Undertaker’s theme. I’m using that theme as an example because it’s totally on the list.

Going through ten years of music proved to be a herculean task, so I enlisted the help of King Zak. King Zak, best known for that time I said his name a few words ago, took on the Top 9 Best list while I tackled the Top 9 Worst.

Top 9 Worst

9. Stephanie McMahon

This song isn’t bad in the traditional sense. It’s an average at best song and a terrible at literally any level theme song, but I don’t hold that against it. What does bother me is the fact that the lyrics are so mumbled that it’s easy to mishear. For instance, the song says, “Wow, get your dingdong out.” No? Okay, what it actually says is “Where the kings bow down.” But listen to it again the next time and tell me you don’t hear a lovely melody about dingdongs.

8. Shelton Benjamin

How does someone go from having one of the best theme songs in wrestling history to this? It sounds like they took a legit song and smashed it together with something from WWF No Mercy 64.  I realize that Shelton doesn’t currently have a gimmick, but this theme song doesn’t even fit that. Yeah, a theme song so poorly thought out that it doesn’t even match nothing.

7. Tamina

This song is a waste of a perfectly good 5 seconds. It starts in a way that makes you think this song is going to be good, and the devolves into early 1990s record scratching hip hop. The only thing more 90s than this would be if they revealed that Tamina blew Bill Clinton. Even the chorus is a trick, because you think it’s a crappy hook that’s leading into a real song, but then you find out it’s just on repeat the whole time. This song is the Brock Lesnar cashing in the briefcase of theme songs.

6. Cesaro

Cesaro is a victim of constantly terrible music and entrances. The song begins with a siren which you would think represents the Giant Swing move that was starting to get him over, but no, it represents how annoying the WWE creative team is. The sound has nothing to do with the move, he’s told to drop the move, and he’s stuck with the song. After the siren, its about as generic as they come. At one point, his entrance involved coming out while the siren played dressed like James Bond because WHAT? Terrible theme, terrible noise, terrible treatment of a Cesaro.

5. Nia Jax

Keep in mind that this is the worst theme song, not the worst wrestler. It’s not fair on the people who put her music together to be blamed for how terrible she is in the ring.  You can’t hold it on them for how terribly bland her gimmick is. It’s not their fault that her voice doesn’t match her gimmick. It’s not fair to lump the music in with the character. That being said, God, the music sucks. It starts off with a lot of bass, because bass is the WWE’s way of saying that the person coming out weighs a lot. Muscle or fat, it doesn’t matter, they’re big and this is the Jaws’ theme. That’s par for the course with WWE creativity. However, the music that picks up is a pop song. It’s such a bland, girly song that Avril Lavigne has it as her ringtone as a joke. I play it for my wife when I want her to know she’s hurt my feelings. This song was created when My Little Pony memes and Hello Kitty posters made love after cuddling first AND after. It sucks.

4. Sting

Instead of getting the rights to Sting’s WCW crow theme, the WWE decided to Frankenstein’s Monster the shit out of some bass and call it a song. It doesn’t have the same charm as his WCW theme. It really doesn’t match the level of intensity Sting was supposed to be portraying since the storyline leading up to his match with Triple H had him bouncing around from silent brooding Sting and batshit crazy Sting. When you match it up with his bizarre entrance at WrestleMania, the song had no payoff.

3. Dean Ambrose

The song revs up into a hideously generic song. Luckily, Ambrose was able to make it work. Sometime down the line the song had become synonymous with the Dean Ambrose brand. Not very many people can make the sound of someone playing a handful of instruments simultaneously with only one arm and a few toes look cool, but Ambrose is the man for the job. There’s really nothing else to say about this song other than its slightly more memorable than the previous three songs listed. Or that if you tried to whistle it you’d pass out.

2. Lucha House Party

This song is annoying. Not so-bad-it’s-annoying, just annoying. It reeks of “please, please, PLEASE chant this!” But it’s just not a thing. No one is chanting it except whatever small group of people the three luchadores are looking at when they’re begging them to do it, but as soon as the music stops they crowd stops too. It’s not catching on. If someone were to hold a gun to my head and tell me to say the most annoying chant in any theme song today, I will jump off the cliff first before I resort to reciting that crap.

1. Brie Mode

This song would probably make a decent club hit. I say that because I don’t go to the club and I’d prefer this song be contained as far away from me as possible. The idea, I assume, was to play off Brie Bella’s “Total Divas” character which was an obnoxious drunk who made everyone around her feel like shit, and I’d say the song capsulizes that perfectly. On the show, Brie calls getting drunk and being a terrible human “Brie Mode,” so the song starts out with an autotune saying exactly that. The only problem is that RAW is a PG show and can’t depict Brie as an alcoholic, or clubs, or “Total Divas” since all three of those things are offensive. The WWE attempted to make “Brie Mode” a thing by saying it’s what happens when she gets momentum in a fight, but no one bought that. Our silver medal was the song they created.

Best (@kingzak13)

9. Daniel Bryan

There is something about classical music. It may not appeal to everyone, but no one can really say they dislike it. It is simple and inoffensive as far as music goes. I was thinking of doing that as a metaphor, but there is nothing simple about Daniel Bryan’s wrestling style. This song has become almost perfectly blended to the character. So much so, even when the non-WWE version of the song comes on I find myself mentally chanting “yes!” along with the song.

8. The Undertaker

Just think about The Undertaker’s entrance. Now, try imagining that entrance with any other song. It doesn’t feel right. This song is the perfect one for the phenom. It works so well with him. There isn’t much more that can be said about the song. Sure, it isn’t the most exciting song, but it is one of few songs that can give you goosebumps just from hearing it.

7. Asuka

The song is good. It offers a nice tune to it and with a beat you can dance to (a little). Also, it really fits Asuka’s character. It’s a hard hitting and somewhat cocky sounding song. It definitely hasn’t been put on the list because I want to make sweet love to Asuka, definitely not. But on the incredibly slim chance that she is reading this, and is also in the market for an overweight English toyboy, what’s up girl. (Tim Rose’s note: she’s not.)

6. Triple H

Triple H has had a lot of songs in his career, but if you ask me “King of Kings” is the best one. It works so well with the more egotistical sections of his career and could work just as well for a future wrestler who is an egomaniac that is still damned good at what they do. Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t include some motorhead on the list.

5. Johnny Gargano

The song is a good listen. The energy to the song really fits Gargano; as do the lyrics to the song, too. They are all about being who you are and standing strong. I could see this being the intro song to some sort of kid’s cartoon too, but I wouldn’t hold that against either the song or Gargano. The only issue I can find with it is the fact that it is quite short and ends up looping several times, but that is more a modern WWE style thing than something that is worth being annoyed with.

4. Bobby Roode

We all knew this was coming. Roode’s entrance theme is such a level of catchy that he was able to build his entire WWE career from it. The song is genuinely infectious. If you say you haven’t sung along with it at least once, you are a liar. I honestly credit the song with 90% of Roode’s success thus far. While it isn’t a lot of success to be credited with, but name me another wrestler’s song that won someone a world title.

3. Shinsuke Nakamura

Much like with Roode’s theme, if you say that you never sung along with Shinsuke’s theme at any point, then you are a filthy liar. The original song acted as a fantastic, catchy, and enjoyable song. While a lot less sing-a-long-able (not a word, ironically) with the added lyrics, the actual song remains intact and enjoyable. The lyrics really work with the song. Though when translated, I think the flow does get a bit disrupted. I like the added lyrics. Partly because the more I hear it, the more I can say that I know Japanese.

2. Gallows and Anderson

There’s a good chance you have no idea what this sounds like thanks to Gallows and Anderson being one of the most jobberific tag teams of the modern era. This song is good, though. Both the music and the lyrics work together. I could genuinely see this song being on some rock band’s album. I’d give it a listen if you haven’t yet. It is a shame that this great song got wasted on such a disappointment in the WWE creative wasteland.

1. Sami Zayn

Sami Zayn’s theme is a catchy, infectious, and joyous song. I know we aren’t allowed to have joy in wrestling, but this song brings it in spades. This song has been stuck in my head since Zayn’s return. It has, in fact, prompted me to occasionally hum and dance along a little provided no one is looking at me. (Tim Rose’s notes: Asuka was watching, you blew it.) It is one of those songs that is designed to be catchy. I really enjoy when brass and other more classical instruments (Woodwinds, violin, you know all that orchestral stuff) are mixed into modern music. Sometimes, it is a mess but other times you just end up with a quality rhythm that no one would have really thought of.

 

 

 

If you’re a wrestler or know of a wrestler who is looking to get a theme song made, please check out These Wolves. They want to make a song for you or your event. Honestly, you should be listening to them anyway.

Don’t forget to add me on Twitter: @timrosetweeting

Add King Zak: @kingzak13

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